the Sea in a Mirror

Gift

2011-12-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

So I was thinking the other day about gifts: if you're just buying something for someone because you have to, without caring a whole lot about the person you're giving it to, you're more likely to go cheap and not put a whole lot of effort into it. However, if you value the person you're giving the gift to, you're going to give with a generous heart, because the person matters to you that much.

I've noticed a certain trend developing in my church - it's a fad where you spend a lot of time emphasizing how miserable humans are, and how gracious God is in showing us any consideration at all. I think there are two reasons for this: the first reason is because in a mixed-up way, it makes people feel better about themselves...more spiritual, I guess you'd say. The second is because some people don't really believe they're loved. It's easier for them to say they're a miserable, lowly creature whom God only extends mercy to because He arbitrarily decides to. It's easier for them, because they believe God is like that. They don't see His love at all.

However, God gave about the biggest gift ever when he sent Jesus to live with us and die for us. Think about it: if God operated under very self-glorifying motivations, deciding to save the dirty, helpless humans He'd created (which, by the way, He created in His image, which seems to demonstrate a huge, personal, caring investment in us) simply to glorify Himself, or because He's just that nice, then He would've picked a much less painful way to do it. By sending His only Son, a being directly connected to and a part of Himself, He was sending the most precious thing He could.

And what that does for me, is it fills my heart with all the love God has for me. He values - no, treasures me, that much. An inevitable result of all this is that God is glorified. But who wouldn't glorify a creator who gave all that He had to redeem lost souls - souls created to fellowship with Him and delight in His love.

Not miserable, but treasured.

Terri

2010-02-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

Several years ago, when the fight over Terri Schiavo had reached its climax, I remember having strong feelings of anger, desperation and sorrow. I did not want Terri's feeding tube to be removed and could not see Michael Schiavo's actions as anything other than pure selfishness. I thought I knew, absolutely, who was wrong and who was right.

Which is why after reading "Fighting For Dear Life" by David Gibbs (which told the Schindler side of the story), I was very reluctant to read "Terri: The Truth" by Michael Schiavo and Michael Hirsh. I thought it would cause the same feelings of frustrated sadness I used to experience when people would say to me, rather flippantly, "Well if I was Terri, I wouldn't want to live." As if they had the right to express the life-and-death wishes of a woman who could not speak for herself.

Anyways, I'd formed a very negative opinion about Michael Schiavo's character and motivations; and I assumed that reading his book would only increase my animosity. Quite to my surprise, however, Michael's book has served to teach me a thing or two about loving others. Don't misunderstand me - there are several points on which I believe Michael was wrong: he should never have entered into a relationship with Jodi Centonze while Terri was still alive; and his reasons for removing Terri's feeding tube (Terri was not going to improve and she would have wanted the tube removed) did not justify his actions. Michael writes, "The Vatican statement appears to diminish the critical importance of this medical determination (i.e., removal of the feeding tube) and the related ethical issues by stating that the value of the life of a PVS (Persistent Vegitative State) patient is the same regardless of the irreversibility, or permanency, of the condition. In other words, the Vatican again takes the strong, hard-line stand that all human life is equal, under any and all circumstances - from procreation through birth to death, regardless of the medical condition of the patient, no matter how extreme. It is an ethical position out of the mainstream of the ethical-medical-legal dilemmas of contemporary society." Michael does not value all human life equally, as God does and as I believe we should.

But before I pat myself on the back for agreeing with God, I'm stopped in my tracks. Because valuing all human life does not only mean defending those whose lives are threatened. It also means valuing those with whom I disagree, those whose actions I cannot condone, those who I might, at one time or another, be tempted to term my "enemy." During the fight for Terri's life, there were many so-called Christians who placed the lowest possible value on Michael Schiavo's life - and the lives of his loved ones, for that matter. What can justify Michael's innocent children being labeled bastards? Or how can a person, claiming to know the love of God, send hate mail - and death threats - to Michael and his family? In all the hundreds of people loudly protesting at the hospice where Terri spent her last days, how many thought to be still and offer a prayer not only for Terri, but for Michael as well?

Loving our enemies doesn't mean lying down and letting them walk all over us. We need to take a stand for what we believe is right. But we've got to remember how much God loves every person he has created. We need to focus on seeking God, on letting His love spill out to all people. All people includes Michael Schiavo, who needs God's love just as much as the rest of us.

Death or Life?

2010-02-03T16:08:00.000-08:00

It seems like everything in life is a picture of something else. Take death, for instance: death is a passing from temporary form to eternal form (when applied to humans). But what events does death represent? There are two that come to mind: 1) Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection and 2) a believers' death to sin and re-birth in Christ at the moment of repentance.

And then what's fascinating is that there are so many things here on earth that represent this death-to-life picture: a child's conception and birth; a seed that is buried in the ground and blossoms into a flower; the water cycle. It's as if God really, really wants us to understand something vitally important to Him.

Which is why the verses in Psalm 19, "The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of His hands; day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world," are absolutely true. God's love and creativity enable Him to be constantly showing us who He is.

While caring for an elderly woman in a nursing home, I was comforted one day as I realized that death is God's merciful way of bringing a person's temporary body to an end. It is now time to move on to the next phase in the story. Of course, humans have such a habit of clinging to the things they least need. That's why dying seems so horrible. And then sin has introduced ugly factors into the equation: fear, sorrow, anger, pain, separation from God.

But God did not intend for death to be this way. And despite the sin that darkens not only our death, but our life here on earth as well, God has written an ending to the story (or maybe just the beginning?) that is a re-birth; a new life that is more beautiful than we can imagine.

Not Without Hope

2009-09-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the book "Interview With a Vampire" by Anne Rice. I never would've picked up the book, but my sister was reading it and loved it - so I thought I'd give it a shot. The story and writing is fascinating. But what really struck me was how much I identified with the main characters, two vampires named Lestat and Louis. In Anne Rice's stories, vampires are able to see, hear, taste, feel life more fully than humans.

Lestat was a vampire who seemed very beautiful to Louis at first. But soon he discovered that Lestat had no appreciation for beauty, but instead devoured with an insatiable appetite. Lestat, in a sense, wanted to experience everything. But in trying to experience everything, he missed out on the actual experience - being too busy yearning for the next thing. Louis, meanwhile, was struck by how much he noticed in the world as a vampire. He could sit for hours studying the flame of a candle and be struck by its mesmerizing beauty. He also saw the ugliness of a vampire's existence and was disgusted by it. He struggled with the meaning of it all, wondering again and again why God ever created vampires.

I can see in myself aspects of both characters. As regards Lestat, I find myself always yearing to experience it all; but at the same time missing the beauty of the experience I'm in. And as for Louis, I see life stretching before me and it seems ugly and pointless.

I've been learning things about God. And one of the things I'm certain of is that God is complete. When He says in Ezekiel 43:9, "Now let them put away from me their prostitution and the lifeless idols of their kings, and I will live among them forever", that means a whole lot. "Lifeless idols" is absolutely true, because outside of God everything in this world is lifeless. Within God, our lives are complete, full and utterly beautiful. What this means for me is that my life is not meaningless. In complete fellowship with God, my life is complete and my experiences are beautiful and should be treasured. There is a reason for my existence and it is not without hope.

Silent

2008-07-24T19:16:00.000-07:00

In the Disney Pixar movie Wall-E, humans live on a ship in outer space. They grow fatter and fatter as they zip around in their motorized chairs. They communicate with others via a screen suspended in front of their faces. When one human's screen is temporarily shut down, she finds to her surprise that she is seated by a huge swimming pool.

She did not know the ship had a swimming pool because she had never noticed it before.

"We cover our ears with Walkman headphones to drown out 'noise pollution'," writes Uta Hagen in A Challenge for the Actor, "when actually we are blocking out thoughts and suspending all imagination."

God desires to meet with us and communicate to us. We, however, drown Him out with our "noise". We focus on ourselves and our busy-ness, our goals and our desires. We have no time for either God or anyone else.

Just as we forget how to listen to others, so we forget how to listen to God. We do not hear Him speak, because we are making too much noise to hear His "gentle whisper" (1 Kings 19:11-12).

We must learn how to listen.

We must learn how to be silent.

Don't Know

2008-04-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

Crazy theatre, I can't get away from it. I love it even when I hate it. I'm always thinking/talking/doing theatre. And so far, all this thinking/talking/doing of mine has been entirely solo. No outside input, please; this is my art and I'll create it on my own. Thanks.

But you know, lately I've become dissatisfied with lonesome ole' me. I don't want to do it on my own anymore. Cuz I've been learning just how much I don't know about theatre. I suppose this realization should be somewhat discouraging to me, having styled myself a sort-of Lone Ranger type.

But once I put aside my arrogant assumption that I can somehow "arrive" on my own, or even at all, I find myself incredibly thrilled at how exciting it is not to know. Not knowing means there's a lot out there to know - to discover, explore, soak in; the opportunity for growth through the meeting of minds.

My art really is a work in progress. It never will be perfect. And for me, being someone who loves to create, the possibilities become endless. I hope even in heaven I won't know it all. That way I can keep learning.

Frustrated by Protestors

2007-10-11T12:54:00.001-07:00

The other day I got stuck in traffic caused by a caravan of protestors. Cars, trucks and vans, making their way slowly down the parkway, were marked with slogans such as, "Stop racist laws against immigrants."

Obviously the illegal immigration issue is a huge one right now; and especially in the area in which I live, as local politicans are seriously considering laws that would restrict certain government services to illegal immigrants.

Now if I were an illegal immigrant, I know I would be highly concerned about these restrictions - they would make it that much harder for me to live in the United States. And as an American citizen, I don't pretend to understand everything pertaining to the issue, nor do I pretend to have all of the answers.

All the same, I couldn't help feeling frustrated by all of the protestors.

For one thing: the immigration issue does not concern people coming to the United States legally, but instead only concerns those people entering the country illegally. Don't stuff everyone with all this crap about racism. I want all people from all nations to have the opportunity to come into the country. All I ask is that they enter it legally and with respect for its laws.

For another thing: I pay my taxes every year, which fund even an illegal immigrant's access to education, paved roads, etc.; and if the illegal immigrants then turn around and berate me for thinking about removing those privileges freely provided, it is as if they are saying, "Why are you taking these privileges away from us? We feel it is our right to receive them."

To which I would reply, "What right is that? You're not a legal citizen."

Frankly, I'm not sure the best procedure is to deny government services to illegal immigrants who are already in the United States. I tend to think that our country's best success will be in restricting our borders to prevent any more illegal access and in that way improving the opportunity for those who desire to enter the United States legally.

But for goodness' sake - how can anyone take for granted taxpayer-funded services, who does not even respect the laws set in place by said taxpayers to enter the country legally?

Absalom, Absalom!

2007-07-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

William Faulkner's writing style is different from any that I've ever read. The only way I can think to describe it is by an image of a pattern being woven on a loom - the threads journey in and out of one another, covering in a way the same sort of territory as before, only each time through the pattern becomes fuller and more beautiful.

William Faulkner's narrative in "Absalom, Absalom" crosses back again and again over the same story and each time it does the image becomes a little clearer. Taste, smell, texture, color, odor, emotion - all are brought vividly to life through a wandering but purposeful tale. William Faulkner seems to have spent years with his characters, talking with them and learning all that he can about them. The result of which is that each character's actions and feelings are raw and real and the plot develops naturally from the characters themselves - rather than the characters being contrived from a pre-conceived plot.

William Faulkner opens his story with a description of "...Miss Coldfield in the eternal black which she had worn for forty-three years now, whether for sister, father, or nothusband [sic] none knew, sitting so bolt upright in the straight hard chair that was so tall for her that her legs hung straight and rigid as if she had iron shinbones and ankles, clear of the floor with that air of impotent and static rage like children's feet, and talking in that grim haggard amazed voice..." and immediately draws you into a starkly beautiful and tragic world. He commands your absolute attention, attaching significance to each word written. And he leaves you marveling at the beauty of the story he has brought to life.

Life Conclusions

2007-07-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for being independently wealthy. Having been 4 days out of my job and bearing the title "unemployed", I am blissfully enjoying the absence of any job demanding my time, care and attention.

Not that I haven't discovered certain things about myself, since leaving my job, to give me pause for concern. I have noticed over the past few days a rather alarming compulsive habit I have developed, brought out and pounded firmly into place in the deepest part of my being by nearly three years of work at a title company, that forces me to be constantly searching for and completing projects in a frantic sort of way - much as one might prepare for a battle or a political campaign.

Which bliss and alarming discovery lead me to two important conclusions: one is that I will need to marry a very rich man - and soon - so that I won't ever have to work at another job; my second conclusion is that I will either have to schedule a specific time each day to cease all flurry of activity (such as yesterday evening when my mom asked me if I was feeling well, because I was still sitting at the table after dinner was over, and I replied that I was just "trying to do nothing"), or I will need to make regular visits to a psychiatrist.

The beauty of it all is that by the time I marry my very rich man, I will be so good at "doing nothing" that I will be able to spend all day sitting at home and eating bon-bons and watching soap operas.

Flip-Flop

2007-04-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

It seems like there's a flip side to almost every idea. Take the Christian walk, for example. As a believer, you can choose to focus all of your efforts and energy on perfecting yourself, or you can focus on becoming more Christ-like. "So what's the difference?" you say. "Same thing, right?"

Nope.

The one side directs all of your attention on yourself, the other side directs it all on Christ.

I recently read a book called "Created to Be His Helpmeet", by Debi Pearl. The author lays down a strict set of rules for every wife to follow, with the ultimate goal of producing a good marriage. But shouldn't the ultimate goal of every wife be to glorify God? If all you want is to have a good marriage, then of course you will need to focus on yourself, on perfecting yourself. But if your desire is to glorify God, then you must focus all of your attention on God.

And there's a big difference between the two.

Lauren Winner is an author who challenges the way readers analyze ideas. In her book "Real Sex", she describes a speech on singleness and chastity she attended. Lauren writes, "(the speaker) seems to be working toward becoming, principally, the kind of woman Prince Charming wants, which incidentally may be the kind of woman God wants. Her priorities, I would suggest, need to flip-flop. We are to become persons of God, and this may bear the incidental fruit of attracting a great partner. For the point of chastity is not that you turn yor attention away from other people to make you more attractive to them but that you turn your attention away from sexual and romantic entanglements with other people and orient yourself toward God."

The Deeper Sea

2007-03-15T20:18:00.000-07:00

I've always been a bit disappointed about heaven. An eternity spent singing hymns with a bunch of people in white choir robes has never appealed to me. I'm a project person, and if I don't have a short-term goal to work towards, I'm lost. Heaven is forever, which is a really long time to be singing hymns over and over.

I love living life here on earth - discussing ideas, creating art, appreciating beauty. For such a long time I haven't understood the connection between earth and heaven, but things finally clicked when I read a passage from The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis:

"Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this. You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away among mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the window there may have been a looking-glass. And as you turned away from the window you suddenly caught sight of that sea or that valley, all over again, in the looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time they were somehow different - deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know. The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean."

If I love the sea, I can barely imagine what the deeper sea will be like.